exactly enough time

everything changed the day she figured out
there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.

once when i was younger,
when my heart was still situated at a lower center of gravity
and falls brushed off as easily as the dirt sticking to my clothes,
i found myself standing downwind of a conversation.

i retraced the path of the wind until finally,
there i was, standing in the doorway of their words.
in my silent curiosity, i poked my head through
and glimpsed the amused faces of mother nature and father time
trading anecdotes about their children.

the tinkling of their laughter resounded like wind chimes as i,
enticed and unable to resist their giddy amusement,
pushed aside my wariness and stepped in through the doorway.

for a while there was silence,
and the wind no surreptitious messages to deliver.
they stared at me, and i at them.
then they glanced at each other
and a twinkle passed between their gazes.

they sat me down and told me a secret,
a secret of the most classified sort that most people only catch vague snippets of when their lives start to wind down and they find time to close their eyes and pay enough attention to the wind to hear its secrets.
and even then they only hear vowel sounds, for the wind does not dabble in consonants.

abounding with a childish appetite for secrets,
i pinky promised with five gatrillion cherries on top and crossed each and every heart and star under the sky and sucked in my pursed lips to demonstrate the vast control i had over them.
they laughed at me and said with a sad smile, that won't be necessary,
they wouldn't believe you anyway.

i smiled back, not fully understanding
and still convinced of the necessity of my secrecy.
i sat there expectantly until finally they told me with that same sad smile,
the simple secret that changed my life:
there's exactly enough time for all the important things in life.

i began to cry. if this was the case, it was too late! if there's only exactly enough time, i've already run out of what i would need.

again i heard that light tinkling laughter
and i lifted my tear streaked face up,
start now, they told me kindly. and with that, the wind took me by the hand and together we raced back home.

where i proceeded to plop down in front of the television and watch scooby doo then full house then friends then the oc, gilmore girls, one tree hill, pushing daisies, how i met your mother.. until i managed to waste the next decade of my life. and now here i am. haha jk. i just don't feel like writing any more..

but seriously it's hard to be motivated to do work when i know that there are bigger things in life.
and without motivation holding me back, i'm making a break from reality and taken up permanent residence with indulgement. i just want to go out in the world and embrace the living daylights out of it and then photograph them on their way out, down to the last drops.

i feel numbingly good, as long as i choose not to look over my shoulder at the impending descent of reality and all my responsibilities.