ash wednesday

"you are dust, and to dust you will return."

this year, i decided to do lent. at first it was nothing more than a fun challenge, like my flickr 365. i was going to give up meat. then i realized if i really did that, i would start living off chocolate and cheese pizza, so instead, i decided to give up chocolate and cheetos. and then tonight i decided to go to highrock's ash wednesday service, looking simply for some good worship and some good ol' peace of God. but i got so much more. God really taught me something about fellowship and just about loving Him above all else. so part of the ash wednesday service was the imposition of ashes on the forehead and so we each got down on our knees one by one and pastor dave smear ashes in a big fat cross on our forehead. and even among all my brothers and sisters i felt a little self-conscious and before service was even over, i was wondering what standard procedure was for wiping off the ashes after service. but then at the end, pastor dave challenged us, me, by totally calling me out and challenging us not to wipe off the ashes after service even if we're tempted to because we're going out after or going back to campus or to dinner, but the ashes represent the sin we have inside and why should we wipe it off and pretend like we're perfect inside? so there we were, the five of us who went to this service from tufts, ben, dilys, sharmaine, hui, and i, and lisa drove us home, and it was a crowded but very joyful ride :) but then we were back on campus and the big black smears on our forehead were still there, marking us, identifying us, setting us apart, and i started thinking about being different and how that wasn't a bad thing, what's so bad about being recognized and labeled as christian. and another thing was just, it was so much easier when i was with the other four. it's so hard to be a christian alone, because even if you don't have a literal black mark on your forehead, you have the scarlet stain of Jesus' love covering you and you SHOULD look different. and it's like the way birds fly in a V formation with one leader taking the bulk of the flying and the wind resistance, i think that was it, either way, the one at the tip always has it the hardest, but that's why they're in a V, because when the head one tires, he flies back and joins the back and a new bird steps up. and that's what a fellowship should be like. when one brother or sister runs out of steam or passion or faith, not that we're supposed to, but if we're honest, we know that sometimes we're just more on fire than other times, the other brothers and sisters step up and spur that brother or sister on with their fire. and it's. oh my. i have so much running through my head.

here's my shot for the day for my 365 project. it's more appropriate for today than i realized at the time. ash wednesday begins a period of lent where we recognize all the brokenness and sin in our lives and reconciles with God. we run out of shame and darkness into marvelous light.

see the light that i have found,
oh the marvelous light,
the marvelous light.

confetti rainfall &the quiet street
the beauty is in what you make it
so get up on your feet

because tonight, the world turned in me
because right now, I don't dare to breathe
oh babe, I know it's alive &somewhere for us to find tonight
chase this Light with me ♥

missing you, love.

even the most colorful of memories seem faded when you're not in them.

i just had one of the best nights of my freshmen year, up there with that night in the suite where we sang into spoons and strung up christmas lights, and all i can think about is, i wish it had been with you.

after dinner, we went to the japanese grocery market where we bought melon mochi and mochi ice-cream! &then we sat on that bench enjoying mochi goodness and being silly and talking about our sensitive teeth. the next thing we know, we're at shaw's picking out cantelope and combing the aisles for a melon baller. &thus was the creation of stanley. we sat on that bench in the porter t-station, watching people and go, and attracting some watchers ourselves, for atleast 3 hours. eating the cantelope straight up with a melon baller like a coconut. filling it with water and drinking out of our new and improved environmentally friendly "water bottles." the baker's dozen chocolate marshmallows. we are both such nut jobs, i love it.

here's to life &laughter ♥

acrophobia

it's such a long way down from here.

it is you (i have loved)

what do you do
when you know.

Lord,

i'm scared.
i don't understand.

because now more than ever,
for the first time in my life,
i'm giving myself to You,
i'm falling in love with You,
i'm satisfied with You,
i'm losing myself in You,
i'm finding myself in You,
i'm Yours.

and to feel this in the midst of so much of You.
what's that even mean?

i'm trying so hard to focus on who You want me to be
rather than who You want me to be with.

love is waiting til we're ready,
til it's right.

all aboard the bandwagon :)

imported from facebook.

once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. at the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. you have to tag the person who tagged you. if i tagged you, it's because i want to know more about you.

1. God is the first and foremost love of my life ♥

2. i don't subscribe to the principle of matching socks. in other words, i think it's more fun to wear ones that don't match :)

3. i tend to overuse smilies but that's just because if everything i typed were coming out of my mouth i would probably punctuate it with a smile :)

4. my favorite apostle is john because i love the fact that he refers to himself as "the one jesus loved" and it may seem proud or something negative but it isn't. on the contrary, it's so amazing that he finds his identity solely in the fact that jesus loves him, and that's all that matters to him. i love that ♥

5. i'm kinda a picky eater :) but the things i like to eat, i reallyreeally like :)

6. i sometimes pretend my middle name is josephine because george and i chose it in 7th grade, and that pretty much makes it sorta almost official :)

7. i can't help but have complete and utter faith in people no matter what.

8. people tell me i love love. if i lived in a barn and was therefore a barnyard animal in need of an indicative sound (ie. woof or moo or oink), my sound might just be "awwwwh" :)

9. i have a maaaajor sweet tooth. life's too short to not eat dessert first :)

10. my perfect day would involve eating california rolls and chocolate cake, or maybe a pesto chicken melt from cosi, while reading children's books in a public library decorated with christmas lights :)

11. i love sports that involve throwing and catching things. except dodgeball. dodgeballs don't adhere properly to the laws of aerodynamics, not that i know said laws, but i just know that they don't and it's frustrating :(

12. i'm a sucker for meeting the free shipping minimum posed by online shopping.

13. i was baptized on may 3, 2004. my favorite number is 53 :)

14. i would give an arm and a leg to see the northern lights, and i would give a remaining arm or leg to see bon jovi in concert, leaving one appendage in case something else i really really want comes along :)

15. my got milk ads collection has finally exceeded 50. if anyone wants to further this effort, i'd love it :)

16. in terms of fictional characters, i am in love with jess from gilmore girls and shawn hunter from boy meets world and i aspire to be like natalie portman's character, sam, in garden state. i also love the character she plays in mr. magorium's wonder emporium ♥

17. i'm scared of way too many things for my own good. i blame my over-active imagination :)

18. i adore figurative language in general but especially analogies. i love analogies- reading them, mulling over them, coming up with them, having them pop into my head to make sense of all the humdrum :) actually, i just love words. they're so fun. word play is ♥ hah like this deli in davis called DELIcious. teehee. i laugh heartily at corny word play and lame jokes. okay and my own jokes, i do enjoy laughing at my own jokes :)

19. when i know i'm going to wake up for breakfast, which before college was everyday, but this semester is tuesdays, wednesdays, fridays, i fall asleep eagerly anticipating breakfast. it's the last thought on my mind. i just love breakfast foods! sausage, eggs, croissants, muffins, bagels, cream cheese, fruit! oh, baby.

20. when i grow up, i'm going to have a balcony, a jukebox, and the most comfortable couch in the world. if i were still in my interior designer phase, i'd also have plexi-glass floors with fish underneath and a room that's essentially a bouncy castle and a dining room involving swings :)

21. my favorite colors are green and purple :)

22. i don't like chips generally but cheetos are my weakness. i can't resist them. oh boy, i have a ginormously incredible craving for cheetos now.

23. i went through a period in shanghai where i craved coldstone all the time but i actually don't like ice cream that much. unless it's chocolate coated, like dibs :) i can't resist that thin crunchy chocolate shell ♥ OH or if it's mochi coated! mm mochi.

24. i want to own a children's bookstore when i grow up but i wouldn't know where to begin, and i'm scared that's going to be enough to prevent me from doing it :(

25. i'm not as confident as i like to think i am. but that's okay, because God is the strength of my heart. my joy. my peace. and that's more than enough for me :)