disparate

it's not that i'm not tired-
i am. i'm so weary.
and it's times like this,
that i can't seem to muster the strength to do get up off the bed and wash up for bed so i can actually sleep.

instead, i lie here. with my head down, staring at the screen, in a vague state of inebriation, clinging to this restless imitation of rest, acknowledging that this quiet numbness would pale in comparison to sleep, but yet unwilling to concede because in order to be able to really rest, i must be the opposite. i must leave this vaguely resemblent state in favor of a state so disparate from what i want to be. but it's worth it.

can you guess what this is analogous with,
where the parallels can be drawn in?
yeah, connect those dots.

sighh.

i really am weary.