the morning after

the end.

i know this is a good thing.
i know it's for the best.
and i know that it's a wonderful world
but I can't feel it right now.

i wanted this..

i was so tired-
tired of being confused.
tired of holding on to something that
i may or may not even have had in the first place.
tired of waiting, so tired of waiting
for nothing- it's hard enough waiting for something,
but waiting for absolutely nothing. i couldn't.
not anymore.

i couldn't do it anymore.
i didn't want to do it anymore.

but now.
the emptiness kicks in
and when i close my eyes-
i can picture the exact shades of darkness we burrowed in as we whispered away the nights.
i can feel all the songs we spoke, we sang, we shared, we knew by heart.
i can hear all of the silliness that passed between us and the memory tugs at the corners of my lips.
and most of all, i can see the exact shape of you in my heart-
two and a half years is a big hole to fill.

give ear to my words, o Lord, consider my sighing.
listen to my cry for help, my King and my God,
for to you I pray.

in the morning, o Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning i lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
psalm 5:1-3, 11