my world is changing

i'm rearranging

a wiggle, a scoot,
maybe i can fit-
but the reality is,
it's not my seat anymore.

i hate this. i hate that the thought even crossed my mind-
what am i doing back here?

this is shanghai, my beloved shanghai world-
the city i love, that i so pined over, longed for, yearned for.
i wanted more than anything to be back here.
i wanted more than anything to be home.

but none of this feels like home anymore.
none of this belongs to me anymore-
my furniture, these walls,
my youth group, my school,
even my relationships.

this is supposed to be home.
so where does that leave me?

i know, i know-
heaven is our home.

it's just
it'd be nice to have somewhere to belong down here.