last one standing

there's something wrong with this picture:
my feet are still very much firmly planted on the ground.

i've never been swept off my feet.

this realization is incredibly depressing considering the number of guys i've fallen for
so what made me fall all those times? what was the mysterious force behind my multitude of crash and burns?

this is the first time i've really stopped to think about this sad, sad truth
maybe they liked me first, but looking back, i don't even think i can give them credit for that much.
and even if they did, i was right there liking them back, and they didn't have to do any sweeping or pursuing or convincing or coercing.
and as much as i hate to admit it, more often than not,
i made the first move-
i took the subtle initiatives to nudge a developing relationship on and set the ball rolling on its grueling trajectory.

and i know it's old fashioned to expect guys to do all the pursuing
and maybe it's too romantic an idea: "being swept off your feet"
maybe it's too disney, too hollywood
maybe it's simply a relic of the past
and people don't get swept off their feet anymore
maybe love no longer sweeps in like a whirlwind, but rather, meek and unnoticed, passed over as something seemingly ordinary, like a breath, and you just gotta keep breathing in and out and in and out, and that will make all the difference.

and sure, "good for me," i know what i want, and i pursue it
but it's not a product of confidence as it may seem,
it's insecurity.

the fact of the matter is,
you can't be pursued unless you're running
and my insecurity never allows me to run,
in case the guy doesn't care enough to follow after,
and often times, i feel like they're not ready to give chase,
we gotta take a few more baby steps,
i gotta lead them by the hand and coax them into letting me a little deeper into their heart.
and if i have to do any coaxing or convincing or any of this subtle facilitation,
my feet will keep hitting the ground step after step.

and the times my feet leave the ground
it's because i jumped.