disparate

it's not that i'm not tired-
i am. i'm so weary.
and it's times like this,
that i can't seem to muster the strength to do get up off the bed and wash up for bed so i can actually sleep.

instead, i lie here. with my head down, staring at the screen, in a vague state of inebriation, clinging to this restless imitation of rest, acknowledging that this quiet numbness would pale in comparison to sleep, but yet unwilling to concede because in order to be able to really rest, i must be the opposite. i must leave this vaguely resemblent state in favor of a state so disparate from what i want to be. but it's worth it.

can you guess what this is analogous with,
where the parallels can be drawn in?
yeah, connect those dots.

sighh.

i really am weary.

you're still the one

looks like we made it
look how far we've come my baby
we might've took the long way
we knew we'd get there someday

one day, i'll get to sing those words to you.

ain't nothing better
we beat the odds together
i'm glad we didn't listen
look at what we would be missing

one day.
okay?

one life to love

you only get just one time around,
you only get one shot at this.
one chance to find out
the one thing that you don't wanna miss.

one day when it's all said and done,
i hope you see that it was enough-
this one ride, one try, one life to love.
- one life to love/33miles

flaccid

today, i had lunch with the woman with the weakest handshake in the world. it wasn't so much that her grip was weak, but rather, an absolute lack of any semblance of a grip.

it started out like any other handshake, she held out her hand and i extended my own and met hers halfway. but then things started getting a little strange. i grabbed her hand and curled my fingers around her fingers, but to my surprise, and slight disgust, her fingers remained completely flaccid and uninterested. my fingers were quite offended by the lack of effort her fingers put into this handshake. i was carrying all the weight while her hand was just suspended there as what i can only assume to be a disagreeable formality in her mind.

it seriously baffled me. after all, handshakes are kind of a big deal. they're crucial components of first impressions in the adult world and she is clearly an adult. how has she gotten by? i wonder if she's aware of her shortcoming, if this is something she does on purpose? i mean. it's not that hard to curl your fingers a little to acknowledge the other person's hand. i'm not even remotely exaggerating. her fingers didn't even tilt in a single degree or bend in the least to greet mine! they just. flaccid. that's the only world that could describe her handshake. no. not handshake. there was no shake. just "hand."

come out of the shade

imported from facebook.

was it love, or just something that reminded me of
something that felt a lot like, but wasn't

take a step and come out of the shade
i can tell you're no longer afraid
i'm helpless without your warming smile



take a step and come out in the sun
i can tell it's already begun
i'm helpless without your warming smile

- the perishers

postsecret

i won a raffle! he called my name.
one less thing on my list of things to do before i die :)

my secret:
when i was ten, my dad moved us to china.
i pretended to be upset, but secretly,
i was thrilled-
the police couldn't chase me all the way to china for the pair of little magnetic cross earrings i had shoplifted from the drug store in new jersey i can't even remember the name of now.

broken hearts parade

just another lonely soul marching
just another dragging sole keeping time
for love remembered.

to what beat do i march to,
when the drumming of our hearts have stopped?

though i cannot fly,
i'm not content to crawl.

a taste of happiness

what does happiness taste like?

it tastes like moon cakes in the hotel room with my dad, unwinding to tv after an activity-filled day.
it tastes like california rolls in the food court after a satisfying shopping spree at the mall with jenna and dilys.
it tastes like a creamy pesto grilled cheese sandwich in the campus center with alex, jane, and joe between a play and a movie.
it tastes like dimsum in chinatown with allistair after reading to kids during sunshine story hour.
it tastes like a grilled cheese shared with chris in the campus center at 2 am after walking through the rain and partying it up in hillsides with new friends and old.

but still, the only thing i long for
is a taste of happiness breathed straight from your lips.

all i've got

i've got crumbs in my bed,
and tangles in my hair.

but pray tell,

what, oh what,

is it that i've got in my heart?

all i know is you've got thorns on your brow,
and nails in your hands,

and that should be more than enough for me.

light switch rave

do you ever think

when you're all alone

all that we can be 

where this thing can go?

am i crazy or falling in love?

is it really just another crush?

do you catch a breath

when i look at you?

are you holding back

like the way i do?

cause i've tried and tried to walk away

but i know this crush ain't going away

once again, the question arises:

do i want this to go away?

on and off

on and-

wait for it,

wait for it-

off.

on 

on 

off 

off 

on-off-on-on-off.

we're living a frigg'n light switch rave.