missing you, love.

even the most colorful of memories seem faded when you're not in them.

i just had one of the best nights of my freshmen year, up there with that night in the suite where we sang into spoons and strung up christmas lights, and all i can think about is, i wish it had been with you.

after dinner, we went to the japanese grocery market where we bought melon mochi and mochi ice-cream! &then we sat on that bench enjoying mochi goodness and being silly and talking about our sensitive teeth. the next thing we know, we're at shaw's picking out cantelope and combing the aisles for a melon baller. &thus was the creation of stanley. we sat on that bench in the porter t-station, watching people and go, and attracting some watchers ourselves, for atleast 3 hours. eating the cantelope straight up with a melon baller like a coconut. filling it with water and drinking out of our new and improved environmentally friendly "water bottles." the baker's dozen chocolate marshmallows. we are both such nut jobs, i love it.

here's to life &laughter ♥

acrophobia

it's such a long way down from here.

it is you (i have loved)

what do you do
when you know.

Lord,

i'm scared.
i don't understand.

because now more than ever,
for the first time in my life,
i'm giving myself to You,
i'm falling in love with You,
i'm satisfied with You,
i'm losing myself in You,
i'm finding myself in You,
i'm Yours.

and to feel this in the midst of so much of You.
what's that even mean?

i'm trying so hard to focus on who You want me to be
rather than who You want me to be with.

love is waiting til we're ready,
til it's right.

all aboard the bandwagon :)

imported from facebook.

once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. at the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. you have to tag the person who tagged you. if i tagged you, it's because i want to know more about you.

1. God is the first and foremost love of my life ♥

2. i don't subscribe to the principle of matching socks. in other words, i think it's more fun to wear ones that don't match :)

3. i tend to overuse smilies but that's just because if everything i typed were coming out of my mouth i would probably punctuate it with a smile :)

4. my favorite apostle is john because i love the fact that he refers to himself as "the one jesus loved" and it may seem proud or something negative but it isn't. on the contrary, it's so amazing that he finds his identity solely in the fact that jesus loves him, and that's all that matters to him. i love that ♥

5. i'm kinda a picky eater :) but the things i like to eat, i reallyreeally like :)

6. i sometimes pretend my middle name is josephine because george and i chose it in 7th grade, and that pretty much makes it sorta almost official :)

7. i can't help but have complete and utter faith in people no matter what.

8. people tell me i love love. if i lived in a barn and was therefore a barnyard animal in need of an indicative sound (ie. woof or moo or oink), my sound might just be "awwwwh" :)

9. i have a maaaajor sweet tooth. life's too short to not eat dessert first :)

10. my perfect day would involve eating california rolls and chocolate cake, or maybe a pesto chicken melt from cosi, while reading children's books in a public library decorated with christmas lights :)

11. i love sports that involve throwing and catching things. except dodgeball. dodgeballs don't adhere properly to the laws of aerodynamics, not that i know said laws, but i just know that they don't and it's frustrating :(

12. i'm a sucker for meeting the free shipping minimum posed by online shopping.

13. i was baptized on may 3, 2004. my favorite number is 53 :)

14. i would give an arm and a leg to see the northern lights, and i would give a remaining arm or leg to see bon jovi in concert, leaving one appendage in case something else i really really want comes along :)

15. my got milk ads collection has finally exceeded 50. if anyone wants to further this effort, i'd love it :)

16. in terms of fictional characters, i am in love with jess from gilmore girls and shawn hunter from boy meets world and i aspire to be like natalie portman's character, sam, in garden state. i also love the character she plays in mr. magorium's wonder emporium ♥

17. i'm scared of way too many things for my own good. i blame my over-active imagination :)

18. i adore figurative language in general but especially analogies. i love analogies- reading them, mulling over them, coming up with them, having them pop into my head to make sense of all the humdrum :) actually, i just love words. they're so fun. word play is ♥ hah like this deli in davis called DELIcious. teehee. i laugh heartily at corny word play and lame jokes. okay and my own jokes, i do enjoy laughing at my own jokes :)

19. when i know i'm going to wake up for breakfast, which before college was everyday, but this semester is tuesdays, wednesdays, fridays, i fall asleep eagerly anticipating breakfast. it's the last thought on my mind. i just love breakfast foods! sausage, eggs, croissants, muffins, bagels, cream cheese, fruit! oh, baby.

20. when i grow up, i'm going to have a balcony, a jukebox, and the most comfortable couch in the world. if i were still in my interior designer phase, i'd also have plexi-glass floors with fish underneath and a room that's essentially a bouncy castle and a dining room involving swings :)

21. my favorite colors are green and purple :)

22. i don't like chips generally but cheetos are my weakness. i can't resist them. oh boy, i have a ginormously incredible craving for cheetos now.

23. i went through a period in shanghai where i craved coldstone all the time but i actually don't like ice cream that much. unless it's chocolate coated, like dibs :) i can't resist that thin crunchy chocolate shell ♥ OH or if it's mochi coated! mm mochi.

24. i want to own a children's bookstore when i grow up but i wouldn't know where to begin, and i'm scared that's going to be enough to prevent me from doing it :(

25. i'm not as confident as i like to think i am. but that's okay, because God is the strength of my heart. my joy. my peace. and that's more than enough for me :)

breathe on me now

i'm calling
and waiting
Your presence Lord
is life to me

breathe on me now
as i bow down
i'm desperate Lord
for more of You

come satisfy
until i am
even more
in need of You

isaiah 65:1-2
"i revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; i was found by those who did not seek me. to a nation that did not call on my name, i said 'here am i, here am i.' all day long i have held out my hands to an obstinate people, who walk in ways not good, pursuing their own imaginations."

God, You are so good, so faithful. Lord, renew a faithfulness in my heart, renew my passion. let my passion be solid, unlike a bubble that grows and grows and becomes thinner and hollower. as i grow, keep refilling, keep pouring into me from the inside out so i can be solid. so no little thing, no arrows of doubt, no trinket or "treasure" from this world can burst my bubble. Lord, i want to seek You. but, i don't want to just want to seek You. no, i will seek You. Lord, let Your name be the only one on the tip of my tongue. Lord, i'm coming back. i'm coming back to Your open arms. Lord, there You are, there You have been, there You will be, with arms wide open and heart exposed. this is how i know what love is.

haikus are mad fun

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

i blinked

it's easy to be here.

it's easy to be there.

it's anticipating leaving one

for the other

that's tricky.

breaking and entering

she knew that it was only a matter of time before this reality waltzed out the front door and the memories starting creeping back in through her bedroom window.

one life to love

imported from facebook.

you only get just one time around,
you only get one shot at this.
one chance to find out
the one thing that you don't wanna miss.

one day when it's all said and done,
i hope you see that it was enough-
this one ride, one try, one life to love.

sigh, i feel myself drifting,
not into a familiar sedation
administered in the dark,
but simply, drifting.

i point my toes,
desperate for a reminder
that i'm still here.

but i glide by,
passing through hoops
without a hitch,
never once tripping,
never once tangling.

i want roots.
roots to trip over,
roots to tangle,
roots to secure me down.
and i'm not just talking geographical roots,
i want chronological roots.

i'm drifting.

i don't want to keep moving on.
i don't want to leave again.

i know,
i know.

whatever You're doing
inside of me,
it feels like chaos
but i'll believe.

something heavenly crashes over me,
and all i can do is surrender.

oh God.
come close and
hold my heart.

endurance

i'd rather be alone but have God.

you're not supposed to be able to hurt me anymore.