forever and ever and everr

for some time passes slowly, an hour can seem an eternity.
for others, there's never enough.

the hours felt like eternities in maryland and surprisingly, or sadly, far too many hours in shanghai have also felt like an eternity. summers are so anti-climatic. we spend semesters looking forward to them and then when they finally roll around like clockwork, for in fact they are dictated by clockwork, we get all excited like with a new toy and then the boredom kicks in and we just waste it. and before we know it, we'll be all grown'd up (ha. i never noticed how much grown'd up, yea, yea, it's improper and nonexistent but i like it, sounds like grooooann'd up) and we won't have any more summers. we'll have outgrown them like tight jeans and purple eyeliner- though personally, i'm hoping to never outgrow the latter. i'm so acutely aware of how there's not enough time in this world, yet tonight, like so many nights this week, i have way too much time. man, i wish at&t controlled my hours and that way i can have roll-over minutes! i'd actually use these unlike my silly unnecessary phone minutes- how does anyone ever use them all up with all those free nights and weekends and at&t to at&t calls? but seriously, if only i could do a little bit of rearranging and move some of these extra minutes and hours and save them for some day or someone- for one of those moments teeming with all sorts of magic and you would give the world if only it could last forever. it's so unfair, so ironic, so typical of life to make the moments you want to last forever the most fleeting.

tuck said it to winnie the summer she turned 15- do not fear death, but rather the un-lived life. you don't have to live forever. you just have to live.

and she did.