here is a trustworthy saying

that deserves full acceptance:
Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-
of whom I am the worst.
- 1 timothy 1:15

God. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i hate that i'm like this. i wish it had never happened. i wish i had never known. i wish i didn't desire it. i hate that i give in. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i keep trampling underfoot Your gift of grace. oh God. help me. how can i do this to You. to him. to myself. i'm sorry. i always am afterwards. but i do it anyway. i'm sorry. this is despicable. what will it take? if i say never again, will that be enough? what will i have to lose? what would have to be on the line before i can stop? God, i need You, need Your help, i can't do this myself.

bring me back to the place
of forgive and grace.